can't sleep

Ok...so it is almost midnight, and as my title fully explains, I cannot sleep...nor have I been able to sleep for the past two months...and it is really starting to get to me. Now, there are several reasons why I cannot sleep (and some of them I'm not going to go into detail about).

I'm a worrier. I worry all the time. I worry about school, work, church, friends, family, finances, my car, my niece, the neighbors next door. I worry about getting my homework assignments done on time, getting my taxes done, paying my next tuition payment. I worry about my next appointment in counseling, about dating (or the fact that I'm not dating), being social, balancing work and play. I worry that I don't belong, or I'm inadequate, or that I'm just making a total fool out of myself.

The list could go on and on, but I won't make anyone suffer through reading it. As you can see, I have a lot that I worry about (and probably half of it I shouldn't worry about). To top it off, I worry about not being able to sleep...Am I losing my mind?

Another reason I haven't been sleeping is because of bad dreams/nightmares, or even dreams that aren't necessarily bad, but just overall freak me out...you know, those ones that feel so real, even though they are so farfetched. Your subconscious mind is telling you that what you are experiencing isn't real, that it is just a dream...but, at the same time your unconscious mind is doing everything it can convince you that it is real. Dag nabbit, my mind is conspiring against me. If I'm not going crazy, then I'm already there.

Anywho, those dreams happen every night and that causes two reactions from me: (1) I wake up and can't go back to sleep, and (2) I become more and more afraid of going to sleep. You see my predicament here?

Well, that's about all my sleep-deprived mind can muster up at the moment. I will probably read this post in the morning and wonder what the heck was I thinking. And, yes, this will probably be yet another thing to worry about. What was the point of this post again...

fireflies

I totally love this song. It's one of those "feel-good" songs. It's just one of those cool songs with some impressive rhyming. Everytime it comes on the radio I turn up the radio.

So, here is the video...enjoy!

senioritis?

So, as some of you know, I am currently in my last semester of college before I get my Bachelor's degree. For some reason it has been very hard for me to get motivated to do anything. You think with this being my last semester (and one that I need to successfully complete in order to walk in May) I would be kickin' to get things done.

That is not the case at the present.

Now, some would say I have the so-called "senioritis," but I don't believe I do. Senioritis, as I understand it, involves a high disineterest is school, or anything associated with acadamia, such as classes, lectures, reading, and homework. It involves a "laziness" and little to no motivation to do any school-related work. It involves wanting to go out and "party" all night when you should be working on that paper that is due and 9 a.m. the next day. It means you don't do homework or school because you would rather be doing something else (something fun, that is).

That is not the case with me. I want to do my schoolwork (well, most of it...there is that one class that I do hate)...It's more that I'm just far too tired to do it most of the time. Or I'm far too tired to be able to concentrate on it. It's really hard to motivate myself to do the work when all I feel like doing is sleeping. It really bites...this is my last semester...and I'm having to push myself harder just to get the work done (and the work hasn't really gotten much harder, just my ability to do the work).

So, yeah, there is my random spew for the day. I do not have senioritis. Diagnosis: exhaustian.